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"Mom, buy it": how to deal with children's requests

Shrill screams of “buy it!” In the shopping center, parental swearing in response: each of us was the involuntary witness of such heartbreaking scenes. Together with the educational psychologist Ekaterina Bolysheva, we learn to avoid mistakes that can lead to children's hysterics in the store.

“I want to take, I just want!” 
- Every person has the temptation to buy something, - says Ekaterina Vasilyevna. - But an adult can cope with it, and it’s difficult for a child to understand why it’s impossible if he wants. And if for a 2-year-old the store is a game (he collects things in the basket, and the mother quietly takes them away - the child will not notice), then the kids at the age of 2.5 - 3 years already want to be independent. The desire to buy becomes particularly acute. They are starting to ask. 

Scenarios of behavior in a child, as a rule, two. 

1. Pressing on pity - the child is trying to show that he really wants something, with the help of shouts of "Mom, buy it!". 

2. Playing in public - if the surrounding people play along (some granny will say that the mother should buy something for the baby), the child becomes even more interested in the process.
Prevent roars and tears 
✔ Make a shopping list. This will shorten the time spent shopping, and the child will have fewer temptations. If possible, explain to your child why you are buying a particular product. For example: “For borsch, I need potatoes, beets, carrots, and you can’t put sweets in the soup.” 

✔ Teach children to behave in the store on a par with the rules of conduct in transport or away. 

✔ Do not make spontaneous purchases with a child. Do not say out loud: “Buy yogurt. No, better curd. Or cheese? ”The child understands that the mother is ready to buy any thing, because she does not know what she wants. 

✔ Filter the child's desires. Divide your purchases by expensive ones — inexpensive ones, necessary ones — unnecessary ones, quality ones — poor-quality ones, according to age — not according to age.

✔ Allow the child to be a buyer (you can play like this from the age of three). Give your baby a shopping list with pictures. He sees what is needed, such as yogurt. And he chooses which one he takes. Yes, the process will be long. But the child at the same time feels involved in the affairs of the family. 

✔ Avoid queues at cash desks. As a rule, in this area there are counters with goods for children. If there is a queue, distract the child - for example, ask him to put the products out of the basket on the tape. 

✔ Limit money. If you send a child from 6 - 7 to the store, discuss what you need to buy. For example, giving 100 rubles for milk and bread, and letting you spend the change. It turns out that the child can choose himself, but he is limited in money. This is how responsibility and independence are formed.
In some cases, only a psychologist can help. Photo: pixabay.com

If the tantrum began 
Learn and repeat like a mantra on children's requests: “If I want to teach a child to cope with desires and not to roll up tantrums, I will act calmly, firmly and persistently. I do not give in to provocations. I do not scream and do not slap the baby. " 
Further algorithm of your behavior can be. 

1. In a calm voice, you explain that you will not buy a toy if the child behaves this way. You can say: "We have to leave the store, because you interfere with others." By the way, many parents are more afraid not of a child’s hysteria, but of a negative reaction of those around them.

2. If the child continues to scream, go to the exit. At the same time keep the child in sight: it is not known how he will behave at this moment. Baby can follow you with a toy. Then leave all the purchases with the fact that the child took, and go to the exit. Do not go - take on his hands and carry. 

3. On the street do not shout, do not slap, do not appeal to conscience. The child simply could not cope with emotions due to age. Better hug him, kiss and tell about your feelings: “I was unpleasant, uncomfortable, I hope that you will not behave this way again. I understand that you strongly want this thing, but now I can't buy it for you. ” (So ​​you can talk with children from 3.5 years. Younger children distract from the problem much easier.)

Constantly refuse can not

Parents it is important to know the needs of the child. Therefore, babies do not always have to hear the word "no." Take time, tell the child: “I also like this doll, let's go through the store, and I will think if we can buy it. Then you can decide whether to buy a toy or not, and not to refuse by inertia.

In which case you need to go to a specialist 
See your psychologist or neurologist if you often see one or more of these symptoms. 

✔ The child is over 4 years old, and his desires all come. This is a signal that the educational process goes wrong. 

✔ In the store he has seizures of aggression: the child is calling names, stamping his feet, throws himself with his fists. 

✔ The child's breathing becomes more frequent, the skin turns blue, and he begins to choke. 

✔ He starts hitting himself, hurts himself. 

✔ After a tantrum, he becomes sluggish, tired. 

✔ After a long cry he begins to vomit, urinate. 

In all other cases, tantrums can cope on their own.скачать dle 12.1

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